You know you’re from Melbourne when…
You wear A LOT of black
No, we aren’t going to funeral, we’re just from Melbourne. It’s tres chic, versatile, and makes up 90% of our wardrobe*. This can be very frustrating when you are trying to find a particular black top amongst the million of other black items you have.
*This rule does not apply to active wear, which we proudly wear in every colour and every pattern.
You have a love/hate relationship with Yarra Trams…
When you’re running late, so are the trams. When you’re organised and on time, the trams are early and leave without you. But you can’t really complain, because you know how to fare evade like a professional, can spot an undercover Myki inspector from two stops away, and you treat the entire network as the Free Tram Zone.
…But you know your public transport etiquette
Give up your seat for the pregnant, disabled or elderly, remove your backpack when standing, don’t look anyone in the eye when eating a banana or sushi roll… Actually, don’t eat any sort of food on the tram, particularly anything will leave a mess and/or a smell. And for the love of God, let passengers OFF the tram or train before you get on. Don’t make me give you the evils.
You’ll defend Melbourne until you die in The Great Sydney vs Melbourne Debate
I don’t need to list the reasons why Melbourne is simply better than Sydney. If you ever find yourself in this debate with a Sydneysider just remember, Melbourne was, once upon a time, going to be named BATMANIA. Sydney, were you ever going to be named after a superhero (…or something like that)? No. Didn’t think so.
Sport is your religion
And we have TWO public holidays for sporting events to prove it. Whether it’s the Grand Prix, Australia Open, Melbourne Cup, Boxing Day Test Cricket or of course our beloved AFL, we love our sport. The footy has the power to bond strangers over a common passion, for fights to break out between supporters of rival teams, and for ladies in pearls to swear like a sailor and scream at their TV screens.
You’re a coffee snob
And in a city where being a barista is more highly regarded than being a barrister, so you should be. Melbourne coffee, quite frankly, is the best in Australia. Nae, best in the WORLD. Whether you’re a double espresso kind of cat or all about that almond milk life, coffee is a staple in a Melbournian’s diet.
You know that you have to line up or walk up stairs to get to the best venues
The best things in life are worth waiting (and climbing) for. The stair way to
heaven Revolver, the never-ending steps to get to Rooftop bar, the hour and a half wait for a table at Chin Chin, or the 20 minute queue for a doughnut from Doughnut Time.. These are all things that Melbourne has just learnt to accept. Standing in line… walking up stairs… standing in line… walking down stairs. OR you’ll have to do both, like for a table at Mamasita, where you’ll happily wait five minutes on each step as you make you’re way up for tacos and tequila. Worth it.
You’re prepared for four seasons in one day
Crowded House agrees Melbourne weather is famously unpredictable. When you first move to Melbourne you’ll hear many, many times about how we have four seasons in one day (and that the city is a grid). Both true, and it will be a lot easier for you the quicker you accept this. On an average day, you might be leaving with house with a coat, sunglasses, umbrella, hat and beanie. Frosty mornings, sweltering afternoons, then heavy rain all night. Classic Melbourne.
You have your favourite CBD busker…
From the low-vision singing legend who makes his way across the city, the numerous Sesame Street characters playing guitar, or the dapper violinist outside Flinders Station, you can’t help but stop, smile and give whatever coins you have in your pocket to your favourite talent. You claim that you watched Tash Sultana on Bourke Street before she was headlining festivals and you remember the first time you saw the Hare Krishna’s dance down Swanston Street.
…And your favourite dumpling house
We take our dumplings pretty seriously. From BYO catch ups with friends to 4am solo dinners, we hold the humble dumpling close to our hearts. There’s Shanghai Village, I Love Dumplings, Sichuan House and everything in between. Never under estimate a Melbournian’s love for this savoury snack.
You proudly announce to any out-of-towners that Melbourne is, statistically, for the sixth year running, the most livable city in the World
And we couldn’t agree more. Melbourne; never, ever change.
By Madeline Wallman