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5 PLACES NOT TO GO ON A FIRST DATE

Whether you’re a guy taking a girl, a girl taking a guy, a girl taking a girl or a guy taking a blow-up doll, there are some places that should be avoided on a first date. The first impression is all-important and the places listed below are definite hot spots to be avoided
 

Number 5. Maccas

Let’s start with the obvious. Maccas is a surefire way to punch your first impression in the face. Ok, I’ll admit there are a few positives. It’s cheap. It has a healthy menu. It’s readily available in any location. You’re never waiting on service…hang on….wait a sec…Maccas might not be such a bad choice after all.

Date that Maccas is allowed on: 8th

 

Number 4. The Drive-in

Yes. Drive-ins still exist. And yes, they’re just as cool as they were in Happy Days.  For those of you who don’t know what Happy Days is, I resent your youth. However, despite the obvious retro charm, the Drive-in also has an obvious pervy charm. This is where the 60’s went for a pash and, of occasion, an accidental pregnancy.  

Don’t forget, with no public transport escape nearby your date may begin to feel trapped should things turn sour. All of which builds to a suffocating rather than relaxing atmosphere.

P.S If you drive a wagon, then you’ll be seen as the ultimate perve.

Date that drive-ins are allowed on: 3

 

Number 3. Anywhere with ‘All you can eat’

Let me translate some conversation you might hear in an All you can eat.

1. “I hear this place is great value.” = “I’m a tightarse and wasn’t sure how this would pan out so I’m not going to spend big straight up.”

2. “I hear the food’s great here.” = “The food’s shit here.”

3. “Don’t be shy, get seconds if you’d like.” = “You look like an eater. Get more because I know that’s what makes you happy.”

4. “Oh, I don’t think we need desert, I’m stuffed.” = “Desert isn’t part of the ‘all you can eat’, we’re not getting it.”

Date that all you can eat diners are allowed on: Probably never.

 

Number 2. Home

If you’ve organised to meet your date at your house, be ready on time. Don’t make the crucial error of getting caught in the middle of something.
 

“Oh hi, I’m just half way through The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. You know, the one where the Rohirrim have to defend Helm’s Deep. Apparently that took months to film. Anyway, there’s only 2 hours or so left then we can get coffee yeah?”
 

Despite the joy that Peter Jackson brought to this world with that trilogy, this is not the platform for romance.  This is the platform for Gimly to be a funny bastard.

Date that LOTR is allowed on: 2 (The movies are just so good!)

 

Number 1. Any sort of Demonstration/Riot/Public Rally

This one definitely applies if you’re taking your date out in any South American or European country. In those respective countries, chances are your date will either get kidnapped and ransomed for cash or attacked based on their soccer allegiance. And even if neither of these things eventuates, desperate and angry people spitting on the law doesn’t really pave the way for a romantically shared scoop of ice-cream for desert.

No matter how passionate a person you are, leave your politics at the door.

Date that demonstrations are allowed on: 13

 


Article by: Charlie Ranger

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